Charmer?

Some guy called me a "charmer" tonight.

I couldn't decide if that was a compliment or a dis.

And then I listened to KOL on the way home and decided it's a dis.

So, I feel better...I don't deal well with compliments.

Shit, I really wish I could fucking afford to go to Jazzfest.

My knees already feel better

Keeping on the subject of liquid I love, THIS is amazing:

I just bought it in a health store because I heard some woman working there suggest it to another lady for her joints.

I figured, hey, I'm thirsty, my knees ache and I like cherries. Bob's your uncle.

Plus, the label said "lessens pain and speeds recovery".

When I got home I looked closer and the small print read, "from exercise".

Oh well. At least it tasted nice.

I met someone...

His name is Mr Jamesons. He's Irish. And he makes me feel really good.

This could be the beginning of a very long and destructive relationship.

Back To The Start

I am just sitting here wondering whether or not my life is too much on Groundhog Day mode.

I literally feel I have been living the same day for the past two weeks now. It's unsettling and makes me want to hop on a plane and head to Cape Town. Stat.

Or Peru. I don't know. I get restless so easily.

On the flip side, my dreams are totally nuts recently. I don't ever remember dreaming that much before I moved back over here, but now I have freakishly vivid and colorful episodes in my sleep every single night.

Perhaps my subconscious is making up for what my real life is lacking?

If so, I guess I'm supposed to go visit Maine soon and get scared shit less.

I'm so tired. I can't wait to have a day off tomorrow.

Biting Nails Again...Must Stop

So, I think I've finally got some general direction. I've decided to apply for my MFA in Creative Writing. And I'm f-ing excited for it.

I was of the mentality that if you can write, you can just write. But I think it would do me some good to have at least a tiny sliver of some structure in my life right now. Plus, I need to be around more people who love words as much as I do.

It's also becoming quickly apparent that I'm going to have to take on another job. Why is money so tight all of the time? There are some bar jobs down in the Financial District that I've seen online but upon looking at their websites, I'm not sure I've got the necessary pulchritude they're looking for, if you know what I mean.

I guess I'll just have to traipse around to places until someone sees through me, thinks I'm a walking cliche, feels sorry for the holes in my clothes and the shabby state of my hair and takes me on board.

I have also decided that people who order club soda at a bar inherently annoy me. Isn't that awful to say? I can't help it though. Perhaps it's because I don't like club soda myself but every time someone orders it I just want to take the squirt gun out and spray them with it (Alle, I'm giving you "the look" right now).

It's true though - it's just such a wang drink. Have regular water. Or a fucking beer. There's something about watching a man order effervescent aqua that screams "I'm a dick so kick the shit out of me".

Maybe I'm getting too irate about this because the guy that just came in to order it was a self-assured, cocky Polish guy with the nose the size of Krakow and a bushy, grey sweater tucked into his tight black pants (which he wore a la Simon Cowell). And maybe it's because said guy made some really bad jokes about 1) the lack of crowds in here now during lunch and 2) the size of his salad.

Yes, it's slow in here today. It's fucking raining outside. And yes, it's a big salad. You're paying nearly $10 for it. Shut up, eat it and be gone with.

Really should have saved that for the other blog.

Sugar Lumps

I went to Flight Of The Conchords last night.

It was amazing. I laughed a lot.
That should really set me up for the rest of April.

And Release....

I figured it out.

Thank goodness.

Also, there's this guy that is coming into the bar more frequently during lunch hours and I have a distinct feeling he's a...well, I don't want to say it because it's awful.

I don't know him for Jack but, I don't know...he's got that socially awkward, stuttery, creepy vibe to him. And he has white hairs coming out of his nose which make it look like they're covered in cobwebs.

I'm most likely going to hell by even suggesting something like that. He's probably a lovely older man who just doesn't have many friends and doesn't know how to talk to twenty-something girls without making them feel uncomfortable.

For instance though, when I just gave him his food and I asked him if I could get him anything else, he responded: "Um, um...so those mountains you were talking about to that guy last week. Can you hike on them?"

I understand that some people are genuinely socially awkward but aren't there appropriate moments to bring up 5-day old conversations?

I don't know. I'm just saying.

To Alle

It looks like you're the only one who will ever read this seeing as I can't manoeuvre around blogspot properly.

Enjoy.

I need a new computer. And a new haircut.

All of this will be done when I win the lottery tomorrow. Sweet.

#%$$!!

I am NOT in a people person mood today.

Not at all.

I really don't want anyone to talk to me for the rest of the day.

I may pretend I'm deaf for the rest of the day. Or I may go sit in the cinema for hours after I finish work.

Ughh..sleep.

I Have Just Wasted Over An Hour Of My Life...

trying to figure out how the hell to post comments on other people's blogs, and I can't do it. Literally, it's perplexing. I can post on Alle's site...BUT NO ONE ELSE'S.

Ughh...perhaps all of blogspot has secretly blocked me.

All the while, I've been listening to this obnoxious couple next to me on a blind date. Thus far, from slivers of their conversation, the whole cafe has gathered that:

1) They're on a blind date from Match.

2) He has a son.

3) She thinks he's very abrupt.

4) He is "fucked up and doesn't want to cause any problems in her life" - translation, "This isn't going to work."

Good for them for trying though, I guess. Way to put yourself out there.

His knee hasn't stopped shaking for over an hour now.

Plus, there's a big fat hole in my tights and it doesn't even look cool. I have to buy more before I go to work.

Another Splendid Rainy Day

I'm having a lot of luck with rainy days.

Despite the fact that I've got to go back to work in about fifteen minutes, I'm in really good spirits.

Just spoke to my brother - who I hadn't spoken to in nearly a month and he is in an AMAZING mood, which normally is NOT how he has been feeling in the last conversations I've had with him. I'm so happy when my family is happy. I just can't help it.

Plus, Albert Pujols just hit a Grand Slam and the Blues made the playoffs.

And this group of kids I served today were absolutely the most polite and well-mannered people I've dealt with in weeks. They were only about 22, but they were complete gems.

Small things, but definitely reasons to be smiling right now.

Jousting

I don't know what's happened to me but recently, things that I really used to care about - stupid things - don't bother me so much anymore.

Like fighting with people, for instance. I simply don't have the energy for it. It's like jealousy - a wasted emotion.

It's pretty refreshing to put down your sword. I'd imagine it's even more refreshing to walk without your shield too. I'm working on that last one.

So, my mother and sisters are in Thailand and I can't tell you how much I wish I was there. God, I love traveling the world so much. I always want to be abroad or at least have trips planned. I didn't realize how spoiled I was in England, with their "five week" holidays a year and what not. I always had a trip planned, or some weekend away on the horizon.

Here, I got nothin'. No vacations to look forward to, no visits to a place where they don't use the Roman Alphabet on the agenda - just USA for now.

Not a bad thing, I guess. But definitely hard to get used to. I miss India, every day of my life. And I miss Cape Town probably every hour of my life.

So, what to do? Immerse myself in words I guess. Mine and other people's.

I've read some pretty inspiring things online recently - there are a lot of creative people out there. Thanks to all for distracting me from worrying me for things over which I have no control and making me focus on things of which I do have more control.

And the circle gets the square.

Wow

I just read this.

It's amazing.

Fear And Loathing In Boston

Last night I had a dream that there was hole in my computer. Literally. A big, fat hole was burned right through the center of it. I remember putting my finger in it to see if it was real and it was.

Then, this morning I woke up and started to do some work and my computer just flipped out and crashed. The screen was dead and every time I tried to reboot it, the screen remained black and these ominous, three beeps would come out of it.

I freaked out. I was certain that I'd lost everything on my computer. Everything. My mind started racing and I couldn't stop thinking, "SHIT, I haven't backed up ANY of my work." Not to mention the thousands of dollars of iTunes music I had on there. Balls.

I'm not ashamed to admit this, but I cried. I cried like a big baby for about three minutes before I got my act together and went to the Apple store.

I see now why it's called The Genius Bar.

When I sat down and opened my filthy, 2004 PowerBook G4 (which looked pathetic compared to all the sweet new ones they have now in that store), I told Nick, a grungy lad with cool spectacles and the most perfect nose I've ever seen on a human being, that my computer was dead. Please help me.

I thought I was going to cry again. I looked like shit, my hair was a greasy mess, and I swear he could smell my desperation. (That's desperation. Not body odor. I HAD put deodorant on before I ran out the door. I think.)

Me: It won't even turn on. The screen just goes black and then whenever I hit the power button, these three beeps come out of the computer.

Nick: Oh, right. Yeah, The Three Beeps. Mmmm, hmmm... I see. One moment.

He takes the computer to the back and I wait.

Waiting in the Apple store is like waiting in a doctor's office. It's white, clean, clinical. Hoards of people clutching their computers/ipods/iPhones look on nervously as they await their appointment. Those patients being dealt with at the Genius Bar are equally as nervous as their doctor tests and pokes their machine, using jargon like "malware" and "proxy server". One guy, whose face I literally couldn't see because it was so covered in hair, said to this 60-something year-old woman, "You're really going to have to invest in Time Machine. It stores all of your old files, no matter how old and it really is a beautiful thing to watch it at work in all of its glory."

So, I waited nervously, while spanning out in my mind how the hell I was going to afford a new $1500 computer at this point in my life - Apple has payment plans, right?

Nick came back a few minutes later, with a face like stone, shoved my newly-cleaned (and my does it sparkle now) laptop in my face and uttered my favorite East Coast phrase: "You're all set."

What?? He fixed it. The perfect-profiled Genius had fixed it. Something to do with the RAM and switching its position inside the computer. An angel had saved me.

En route home, I took this as a warning sign to finally change the oil in my car and get my tires and brakes checked. Eric at Meineke also made me think I was paranoid and crazy and said everything was fine. He even fixed part of my bumper that was falling off at the front after I ran over a median during a snowstorm (literally couldn't see the damn thing).

So, that's my adventurous day off. Shit though - I've become one of those reliant people when it comes to my computer. I literally don't know what I would have done if I had lost everything. Scary.

Then I spoke to my mom and we talked about the earthquakes in Italy and I realized what an asshole I'd been today.

Things could be worse - they could LITERALLY be crashing down around me instead of metaphorically, which is usually how I dramatically describe things when I get stressed.

Seriously. Stop it.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha....

Today was supposed to be opening day for the Red Sox but guess what??? IT GOT POSTPONED BECAUSE OF THE RAIN.

I don't know why this amuses me so much but it does. I don't care how long I live in this city, or any other city for that matter, but I will always loathe any team that isn't my team.

The Cardinals are playing today. That's for damn sure.

On an entirely separate note, I'm at work and I just went across the road to get lunch and this LOVELY Greek man who owns the restaurant gave me two cups of chai tea for free while I was waiting because he said I "looked cold". So nice. I love it when nice little things like that happen in human interactions. It sort of re-ignites my faith in society.

I also realized today that I am back, deep in the depths of my asexual slump. I go through these periods of time where I just lose ALL interest altogether in boys and anything related to crushes, dating, flirting or caring. It usually lasts a few months and then goes to the other extreme and I have 9,000 potential love interests. That's how I do. Feast or famine.

But I am definitely back in my asexual, "off" months.

OK. Scratch that. Hottest and funniest guy ever just walked in the bar. He just told me his first girlfriend was called Diana and she dumped him because he wouldn't go to "second base" with her.

Would I do something like that? I literally would do anything this guy asked me to. He is hysterical. And he has curly hair.

Ughh... and I now just noticed that this guy is married.

Dammit.

Momentary lapse over. Let the asexual months proceed.

JS

I just came across this quote:

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

Isn't that amazing?

Lovely

Today is my day off and it is pissing down with rain. The funniest thing is, I actually LOVE it. I don't think I've said that about any kind of precipitation in a long time.

I am SO happy to be sitting in my apartment, in front of my computer with the miserable weather outside sort of trapping me in here. It's great.

Plus, I finally got my period today. (Is that too much to say on the internet? Ughh...I don't even care. Women get them - it's a fact of the world.) Anyhoo, this is kind of a big deal because I hadn't had one in months - according to doctor it was "due to stress". Perhaps the fact that I'm finally riding the crimson wave foretells some less stressful times ahead? I don't know.

My biggest conundrum with today is basically deciding which to do first: write or go to the gym. Seeing as I'm already on this, I'll most likely continue and then end up fobbing off the gym because "it's too late" or something like that.

I worked a double shift yesterday, which I actually found is not that difficult to do after all - IF YOU DON'T HAVE A HANGOVER. I think I've cracked the formula to surviving 12/14-hour days. Now, I just have to figure out what to do about my knees because they hurt from standing up for so long. Maybe I have arthritis?? Geez, I hope not.

After work, I had a glass of wine, which (unsurprisingly) is less of a brain-cell-burning-lubricant than Hendricks. Perhaps I'll switch back to red now.

I've got a good feeling about things now. Really good.

Kudos to me for actually turning rain and menstrual cycles into positive things.

Today is going to be a good day.

This One Has To Stick (That's What She Said)

I have to admit - I'm finding it hard to finish things these days. Well, not so much these days as ALWAYS.

I'm currently embarking on a "writing fiction" escapade. Hence why I jacked in my journalism career some months ago to work in a bar and spend my free time writing stories. Trouble is, I've got a handful of stories and only TWO of them are properly finished.

It's not that I'm a quitter - I'm certainly not. If that was the case, I'd have shipped off back to Brigg a few months ago with my tail between my legs.

I'm like the hare - sprinting confidently at the start of the race but ultimately end up becoming distracted and thus, lose the race. I mean, I'm the hare minus the cockiness.

Take this blog, for instance. This is my second one in a year. I couldn't bear to carry on with my last one (on Wordpress) because it just didn't seem to fit anymore. The title was bugging me. No one was actually reading it (except for my good friend Alle because she's the only person I told about it). And the whole premise of the blog started off under the influence of falsities. I mean, I said I was going to start writing on it frequently (I didn't...there were many month-long hiatuses) and I also said I'd bleed my thoughts onto it without care (I did...but only sometimes).

So. What to do in this situation? I decided - hey, start a new one altogether.

I have presently convinced myself that it is because blogspot is easier to use than wordpress (this, however may just be another one of my distracted excuses...time will tell on this one) but this time, I'm really going to venture to be a bit more committed to it.

Perhaps having a real "blog" spine will spur on some more dedication to finishing some of my fictitious works, right?

So, that's my two-cents worth for now. Or at least that's my self-motivational speech out of the way.

On a separate note, I'm currently watching re-runs of Saturday Night Live. I'm watching the very first season, and Holy Crap is it funny. I forgot how hilarious it was.

Raquel Welch is hosting this one and she's wearing a white suit and looks amazing. Oh and she just started singing and then John Belushi came on as Joe Cocker and sings with her. Awesome.

I think I live in the past too much. Must stop this.